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About 20% of us are highly sensitive persons (HSPs); at least 34% of love relationships involve an HSP. I have found that when HSPs aren’t understood by themselves and others, that spells trouble.
That’s surely part of why my data show that, on the average HSPs, are a bit happier paired with each other. My data also show that on the average HSPs’ relationships in general are less happy–implying that relationships HSPs are in are less happy, at least for the HSP. HSPs have nervous systems that pick up more on subtleties in the world and reflect on them deeply.
Indeed, in that field we are considered preeminent leaders, although neither of us has ever written on the topic for the public.
This book will teach you quite a bit about what’s been uncovered by solid research about relationships.
Plus, it unveils my most recent results on HSPs and relationships.
You won’t find that blend or those new results anywhere else.
That means, for starters, that they will tend to demand more depth in their relationships in order to be satisfied; see more threatening consequences in their partners’ flaws or behaviors; reflect more and, if the signs indicate it, worry about how things are going.
First, a corny sounding reason, but so true: The world needs love.
(To say something is genetically determined doesn’t clarify much–wearing skirts or owning a rifle is almost totally “genetically determined,” thanks to the genes for gender plus a lot of cultural moderators.) Genetics enter into marriage because of the way that certain inherited temperaments cause trouble in relationships.
They cause trouble only because most of us are totally ignorant about the reality of the drastic differences that can exist among nervous systems.
But with the right guidance, the many “mismatches” in this world can have the most fulfilling relationships of all.
HSPs in Love Let’s start with the temperament we know, sensitivity.
But consider this: A 1995 study found that 50 percent of the risk of divorce is genetically determined.