Self injury dating
and we want to teach them how to verbally communicate their feelings in an age-appropriate way as well as to tolerate their feelings,” says Seliner.“We believe in a complete cessation of the behavior.One of the most important things to come to terms with is that no matter how much you love someone, you don't have the power to make them give up a behavior they are not ready to relinquish.And no matter how much your partner loves you, it’s extremely difficult for them to let go of a self-harming behavior that provides short-term relief or a sense of numbing or self-soothing.
This may be thanks to the proliferation of these substitute behaviors on the internet. Chew up a hot pepper or rub liniment under your nose.At the end of the day, all I wanted to do was cut or burn for real. It turns out I’m not alone in this experience, and these popular substitute self-injury alternatives are partly to blame. “Snapping a rubber band on your arm leaves a mark and it’s painful.The problem with holding ice or snapping a rubber band on your wrist comes is that these are not alternatives — they are not distracting a person during a moment of crisis — but rather, they are merely substitutes. It’s self-injury.” These alternatives may remain so common because self-injury itself is so hard to give up.“Drawing on your arm with a red magic marker is going to do nothing but draw negative attention,” says Seliner. “More than half of the people who answered the poll who engage in self-injury, if they engaged in substitute behaviors, their impulses to injure actually increased.” Similarly, cathartic behaviors meant to release anger such as punching pillows, ripping newspapers or throwing ice against a wall do not serve their intended purpose to discharge negative energy, but rather further aggravate a person. “Recommending physical activity to people who feel this way is like throwing gasoline on a fire: it makes them more out of control rather than less.” “Anger is a secondary emotion and often times when you get underneath the anger you’ll find a different emotion, most commonly sadness, hurt, rejection, shame,” adds Seliner. Alternatives or the Self Injury Foundation work to educate people otherwise, the old methods are drowning out safer distractions.“It’s another way that people are using their body as a bulletin board to communicate to the world what they’re feeling.” Beyond the fact that these stand-ins for self-injury can cause damage of their own and don’t resolve the underlying issues behind the impulse to self-injure, they are outright ineffective. “We have heard from our patients frequently that they continually feel overstimulated, revved up and that this contributes to their escalating panic and agitation,” writes S. “We teach [clients] how to communicate their anger in a healthy, appropriate way rather than discharging it with a physical act.” Despite evidence that all of these unhelpful suggestions to combat self-injury are counterproductive, their recommendation persists, even among therapists. The public knowledge of how to help those who self-injure is built largely on repeating the same coping skills in article after article.