Gave up on dating
The fader and I had been seeing each other for a couple of months. They’re choosing instead the cat n’ vibrator model, which used to be the saddest of tropes.
( seeing, not just scheduling appointments to bang). But it exists for a reason: it is more reliable than a man.
I just want to live my life without the pressure of online dating. And, honestly, I’m the sole caretaker for a special needs dog and he requires a of time and attention. A life where I get to read and nap as much as I want.
My life is not made better by dating; it is made better by investing in my family and friends, by reading great books, by spin classes and naps, by long walks with podcasts, by traveling, by snuggling with my dog, by writing and Netflix and football. The logistics of dating is really difficult when my entire world is taken up with Dutch’s care.
When I was thinking about giving up online dating for the entirety of 2018, I made a poll on Insta Stories about it.
Honestly, I thought I’d get 100% of responses that “yeah, girl, give up the dating apps! It was around 70%, which is still the vast majority of my friends, but I was curious about the 30% who thought giving up the apps was a bad idea.
However, as happy as I am in my singleness, it’s not all roses.
The green monster of jealousy rears its ugly head when I see engagement announcements and cute couple photos, which tells me that I do want romance for myself one day.
If we make out in his car, does that give him license to shove his hand down my pants?
I ranted to my friends until they couldn’t take it anymore. He said okay, mewed an apology and insisted we keep seeing each other. The shock came from the fact that I had taken such pains to clearly articulate what it was I needed, had invited him to have an open conversation and then ended up being entirely disregarded. Alongside the wage gap and the emotional labour gap, the antics of softboys, f-ckboys, fading and ghosting constitute a pronounced communication gap. Regardless of whether the circumstances involve just hooking up or the potential for a relationship, men are ignoring what women are asking for.
Later the same week, when the brother of a man I’d slept with months before invited me to a games night attended mainly by people who were strangers to me, I went. People of all genders are guilty of bad behaviour, but women are taught from childhood that they need to monitor and be responsible for other people’s feelings. They don’t care if we get off, and they don’t care if our feelings get hurt.
“Get a cat,” she said over the phone from Montreal—at home on a Friday night. I recommend the Hitachi Magic Wand.” We were both unabashedly staying in.
I was pouring a glass of wine and burning the shit out of a grilled cheese, prepping for an was a show that gave me life. All of them are about their friends, their goals and their personal priorities first.
(Of course, after I published the poll, I realized I didn’t word it well, so it’s possible that people thought they were voting for the first option.