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Posted by / 08-Dec-2020 09:30

Then she explains in vivid detail what will happen if you don’t answer her texts.

“I will turn up to your house drunk at 3 o’clock in the morning crying and trying to break in.” Points for honesty?

“I pull out a bag of marshmallows and I go, ‘No, I knew this was gonna happen.’ And then I kiss you.

In front of my burning car.” This imaginative profile, courtesy of Tumblr, entertains online daters with an amusing story. What works for one person can be taken too far by another.

I had to feign interest in all this nonsense until I could ask when I could come over and sit on his face.

’ and I go, ‘Yes — but I like danger.'” Then the romantic evening takes a turn for the ludicrous.

“We come outside and we see my car’s on fire,” Jake continues.

But while you may be a boring dolt who is a complete drain on society, I’m a creative genius, and have perfected the art of openers. – Just enrolled for health insurance via Obamacare. PHILOSOPHICAL OPENERS: – Sometimes I question why God allows bad things to happen to good people. – Fuck, Marry, Kill: Nietzsche, Kierkegaard, Dostoyevsky? Let’s cut to the chase—call me an insensitive, self-involved, immature asshole and break up with me. Been playing with my nephew and his new puppy in a flower patch all day while helping to feed the homeless. – Guess who’s no longer on his parents cell phone bill…?

Today, on this blog, I am giving away 42 openers to all of you…COMPLETELY FREE OF CHARGE. – If the technology existed, do you think it would be ethical for scientists to clone you? AGGRESSIVE OPENERS: – Ya know what the difference is between you and an angel? – I’ve thought it over, and I’m okay with you keeping our yet-to-be-conceived baby.

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These side-splitting online profiles can be witty, crazy, or just plain stupid, but at least they’re memorable. A lot of guys paint a picture of their ideal date — dinner, movie, makeout session, etc.

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