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But none outlived my relationship with online dating itself, which spanned almost eight years. Like most breakups, it’s no one’s fault and everyone’s fault. was 2011 when I signed up for Ok Cupid, and I only did it for a guy I’d met at a party.It’s hard to imagine now, but when online dating first started, we mindlessly inherited this accountability practice. If we didn’t click, we made something up and continued our search using a modified filter.This combination of unambiguous dates and personal accountability came close to romantic Narnia. What none of us realized was that the accountability we afforded one another was nothing but a grandfathered-in habit, a relic from another time, completely futile when it came to the anonymity of the internet. In 2017, the term “ghosting” was added to the Merriam-Webster dictionary.Accountability was the big old gift horse we all looked in the big old pre-app mouth.It wasn’t that accountability ensured that people weren’t breaking hearts willy-nilly—every generation has some version of that—but it did ensure that people at least treated one another like human beings. Rejection was delivered in the form of a bad excuse or a total lie, but not replying to someone at all—completely ignoring a person—was rare.
Matches with anyone in the vicinity of my age dropped like a step function after I turned 35, and the matches I did get seemed disturbingly eager to settle down.