8 simple rules for dating my teenage dau
That considered, it does not make sense to really expect children to act like we do as adults.In fact, kids often perceive things in a very different way than we do, in part due to faulty or distorted thinking.Accountability means that you set the rules and the limits, and you provide a consequence when your child decides to break the rules—period. Limits and rules were literally made to be crossed and broken because that’s how we, as humans, learn about consequences and accountability.The goal is not to prevent your child from ever breaking the rules. Another way to look at accountability is this: If your child doesn’t follow the rules, someone will find out and there will be a “price” to pay, a “cost” for his poor choice in the form of the temporary loss of a privilege he enjoys. Get physical: This often goes hand in hand with trying to control your child.Yet giving in to that temptation can be quite costly in ways you probably didn’t realize.When you yell or scream back at your child, it simply challenges him and effectively “ups the ante.” To put it another way, it escalates the argument.
It does not mean that your child will always choose to follow the rules even if you give him consequences consistently when he misbehaves.Remember how we talked about that natural urge to fight back?Well, I’m sure you know that urge is very real for your teen as well. Try to “win”: If you’re one of those parents who already knows that the way to gain control of an argument with your child is to walk away and calm yourself down, then you can disregard this point.When your teen is angry and screaming at you, the temptation for many of us is to fight back and scream louder so you “win” the argument. It’s natural to want to push back or stand up for yourself if someone pushes your buttons or provokes you in some way.We often unknowingly internalize this message and it becomes a parent’s mantra: “I’m not going to let my own child walk all over me.” The temptation to yell or fight back is so great that it can feel nearly impossible to resist.
For example, saying, “If you don’t stop, I’m taking your computer for 3 days” is not likely to get your child to suddenly stop yelling and retreat to his room.